Instructions for getting through a very bad day.

INSTRUCTIONS FOR GETTING THROUGH A VERY BAD DAY

If you aren’t mired in the slough of despond, these instructions may seem wildly unnecessary. But sometimes it is tough to claw through the hours until bedtime. Here are some basics for when your body is a limp fish and your brain is a murky morass of doom-whispers and free-floating dread.

1. Drink a glass of water. Who knows? Maybe all your problems will go away if you hydrate. (Probably not. But it never hurts to hydrate.)

2. Ask a trusted person to come hang out with you. You shouldn’t be alone right now. This one is actually the most important. I should have put it before hydration. Oops.

3. Make an appointment with a therapist or psychiatrist. I know it is hard to pick up the phone when you have become a depression-slug. Perhaps your trusted person can help you? Wait--did you ask your trusted person to come hang out with you? Do it. I can wait.

4. Eat a snack. You will feel better if your stomach isn’t growling. Here are my “Opening a jar of peanut butter is overwhelming” depression snacks.

5. Exercise. I am a cruel and heartless individual. Your body is lead and your will is a blade of grass. How can I ask you to exercise? But I want you to feel better. Moving around, even for ten minutes, can shake off some of the depression. Maybe ask your trusted person to drag you on a walk?

Speaking of your trusted person--did you text them and ask them to come hang out with you? Come on, man. It is really important that you are not alone on a terrible day.

6. Take a shower. You will feel fresher. Or take a hot bath. It can be very soothing.

7. Step outside for five minutes. Feeling the wind on your face may lighten your spirit by two degrees.

8. Put on clean clothes. And contact lenses, if you wear them. Maybe even a touch of make-up, if you’re into it. Also brush your hair. You will feel 5% more human.

9. Make yourself a cup of tea. Maybe the tea bag tag will offer you the wisdom you seek.

Watch some comedy. I love this thing from Maria Bamford. ("The Maria Bamford Show"--you have to scroll down a bit on the page to get to it.) She recorded it while she was depressed, so she does a lot of it lying on the floor. It may speak to you in your current state of mind. Comedian Aparna Nancherla has some great stuff on mental health. On Netflix, Chris Gethard, Bo Burnam, and Neal Brennan have specials that touch on how hard it can be to be a person. I also recommend checking out the podcast The Hilarious World of Depression. Maybe you can listen to while you stare wistfully into space?

And just tell yourself: all I have to do is get through the rest of the day.

And if "the rest of the day" is overwhelming, tell yourself: all I have to do is get through the next hour.

But if an hour seems hard to get through, you may need some immediate intervention.

If you need help, like, right now, click here.

And hang in there.