EXERCISE TIPS FOR PEOPLE WHO HATE EXERCISE

 

As you may have intuited from the above title, I hate exercise. However, exercise helps me feel a sense of equilibrium. So I have come up with a series of tricks to get myself to exercise.

 

*If you have small children, institute a new policy: the kids get screen-time whenever you go on your treadmill or do a Zumba video. Then your kids will nag you, over and over again, to go on your treadmill, and you will finally shout, “Fine! I’ll go on my treadmill!” After you go on your treadmill, you can apologize to your kids for yelling and eat stale pinata candy and watch the episode of Daniel Tiger about handling big feelings.

 

*Schedule a regular walk with a friend. Maybe you can go walking with a co-worker at lunchtime on Mondays. If you have a new baby, maybe you can meet other postpartum moms for stroller walks. Perhaps you have a friend you love who you’d love to see more of. See if they are up for a weekly walk. Perhaps the two of you can walk to a local coffee shop and treat yourselves to an infusion of caffeine and whipped cream. On websites like meet-up, you can also find walking or hiking clubs. If you are a superhuman who has the wherewithal to jog, you can probably find a running club. Of course, if you live in a place where winter exists, walking outside is extremely unpleasant six months out of a year. You may not be up for walking on frozen sidewalks in the blinding horizontal snow. I have heard that some people meet their friends at the gym and chat on parallel treadmills. Which sounds like the least fun thing you could do with a friend, except for doing taxes together. (But doing taxes is probably easier with a friend for support.)

 

*Trick yourself. Tell yourself that all you have to do is put on your tennis shoes and your fashionable yellow sweatband. Then, once you have completed that superhuman feat, tell yourself that you don’t actually have to exercise--you just have to go to your exercise location. Say to yourself: you don’t have to move once you get to the gym! You can sit sullenly on an exercise bike and read magazines. Once you are at the gym, you will feel weird just sitting on an exercise bike, so you will probably start moving. (Does this trick sound bizarre? Perhaps. I am a writer, so I use a lot of mental tricks to motivate myself. Like, for instance, when I feel like giving up on a novel, I pretend that it is the work of a wealthy retiree, and I am being paid $200/hour to edit it. But my most recent book took me thirteen years to finish, so it is possible my tricks are not perfect.)

 

*If you are a mom with small children, find a gym that provides childcare. (If it is in your budget. Which it may not be.Then you get a break from your kid while also getting exercise. (I was paranoid about leaving my 9-month-old with strangers, so I always worked out on an elliptical machine where I could crane my neck and see into the window of the childcare room.)

 

I only have four tricks. I am not great at exercise. If you have more ideas for how to get the get-up-and-go to exercise, e-mail me at kathleenfounds@gmail.com .